Thankful Heart

Today I am choosing to be thankful. This week we have jumped hurdles and especially sweet Lyndlee. She faced her fears and went to her Kindergarten Screening and rocked it! It was such a big deal for her; trusting someone she didn't know, talking to them and opening up to them. Ever since Gavin died, Lyndlee has closed herself off just a little from people, and quite honestly so have I. We like to control our surroundings and feel safe and secure. Preschool has been ups and downs for Lyndlee struggling to talk to her friends and her teacher, to trust and open up. But she has gone every week and I have been so proud of her. She encourages me to open myself up to others too. And now she tackled the Kindergarten Screening. Her giggles and smiles afterwards were priceless because she did it, she faced her fears. Today I am thankful for her sweet courageous heart and how she teaches me every day. Filling out the school paperwork was hard for Brennan and I. You see on paper Gavin doesn't exist. They ask you to list siblings living in the home. How hard it was not to list his precious name as her brother, I wanted to scream it from the roof top. He is her brother! But by paper he is not acknowledged and I hate that fact. So instead we had to list him on the section that says "deaths in family". We wrote about her birth mom dying and her brother Gavin dying. And I hate that and it broke me. But today I am choosing to be thankful. I am so thankful God blessed us with His sweet little boy Gavin. I am so glad we got to be his family for those awesome 17 months. I am so thankful he is my baby boy, he is Lyndlee's brother, he is Brennan's ornery boy. I am so thankful we know Where he is at and Who he is with. I am so thankful he now knows the answers we everyday ask and wonder. This weekend we are celebrating our sweet Lyndlee Jya-Ying who turns 5 on May 9th. The 9th. So many things have happened on the 9th. Lyndlee was born May 9th, Gavin was born June 9th, Gavin went home to Jesus August 9th. And my heart breaks because Gavin won't be here chasing Lyndlee and eating all her birthday cake. Another hurdle to jump, another first. But today I choose to be thankful. I will celebrate my sweet Lyndlee and watch friends and family pour their love on her this weekend. I am thankful my baby boy is with the King and one day soon we too shall see. I am thankful I have an amazing husband, my best friend and wonderful father to my children. I am thankful we have Hope as an anchor for our soul, firm and secure. Today I am thankful. Therefore since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:28