Running the Race

I didn't enjoy running when I was in track in high school. My love for running started with my son. Gavin was a handsome, ornery, into everything, jumping and climbing on everything kind of boy. He spent more time tackling his sister, eating food and everyone's leftovers, and making strangers smile than he did sleeping. Sleep was boring to him. So nap time was a fight every single day. At a very young age he learned to climb out of his bed. I would put him down in bed for nap and he would jump out the minute I left the room. This would be followed by Lyndlee yelling to tattle on him. He got very smart and could hear my footsteps down the hall, so he would jump back into bed. By the time I got to the room, he was back in bed; pretending to be asleep with a huge grin on his face and twinkle in his eyes. This would be nonstop for hours. This is where my love for running started. Once he finally would fall asleep, I needed an outlet. I was frustrated and exhausted and would run on the treadmill. Sometimes I would cry because I would think why is he so naughty? What am I supposed to do? Sometimes I would laugh thinking of all the things he was doing. Sometimes I would text Brennan of all the naughty things his son was doing. Gavin had an outlet too. He would get frustrated at me making him nap, so he would tackle his monkey and get angry at it. We were too peas in a pod I tell you. After Gavin died, I stopped running. Satan really used that to make me feel guilty. He made me feel like I was a bad mother; that I was punishing him making him take a nap. But in March I started back running. Now when I run, I still have him on my mind. I long for the days I would be running because I was frustrated at him. But gone are those days. So now I run to spend time with the Lord. I run to think about my sweet boy at the throne of Jesus. I run to pray for my caring husband and precious daughter who are hurting so deeply. I run to run my race. My favorite verse lately as become Hebrews 12:1b Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us and let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. I may not fully understand this race now. I may not like it somedays. But this is my race Jesus has marked out for me and I will run it, focusing on Him. Next week my best friend and I will be running a race. This will be my first 5K and it will be in honor of Gavin. Its for lost loved ones and what an honor to be running in his sweet name, knowing fully he ran his race and he is done. He has completed his work and has received his full reward from Jesus.