Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Kids have a way. They are honest and forward about everything and it works. Sure it might embarrass us as parents at times but it doesn't embarrass them. The other day at the park Lyndlee met a boy and they started to play together. He had dark skin, he was African American. Lyndlee loves to see how God has made each of us different and has given us different gifts. She makes note of this always no matter where we are at. So she told the boy that he had really dark skin. And the boy said no I don't. And then she said, you have darker skin than me and just smiled at him. He looked at her and saw her glasses. Then he asked, "Are you handicap?" Lyndlee said what does that mean? And the boy said you know, because you have glasses. Brennan and I were just smiling and laughing quietly. But then it got me thinking. Kids are so honest and blunt and you know what, it works. There isn't hard feelings. They can tell each other truth and asks questions when they want to know an answer. So what has happened to us as adults? Why can't we talk to each other? Why can't we be honest with each other? Why can't we play nice? Why can't we look past the colors of our skin and the differences we have and just love each other. Why can't we love like He loves? Why can't we be more like children and just be honest with each other? An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. Proverbs 24:26
Monday, August 27, 2012
It seems as though I just don't have any words these last few days. I feel broken and all used up today. I struggle Sunday nights because I know Monday is right around the corner. And I still get angry at God. I cry out to Him saying He changed these plans, He changed my job and my mommy heart. I beg him to tell me what He wants me to do. Lyndlee is adjusting to school. She is so brave. Most days we leave her crying and it breaks our hearts. But when we pick her up she is smiling and lets us know the things she learned and all the fun she had. She definitely does not get craft time because she comes home and spends hours cutting, drawing and gluing. She makes my heart smile. Yesterday we found out a friend she made at school goes to Real Life Church and we all attend the same service Sunday night so the girls are in class together at church too. Thank you Jesus for this connection. We have been praying for a friend for our sweet girl. She also made some new friends at the SoCal Taiwan Reunion. And the friend she really got close too actually lives in our town as well. We leave her in the palm of His hands every single day as we walk out of the school gate and she is out of our reach and out of our sight. And this is something that I need to figure out and get through emotionally. All last year she was with me all of the time. Every laughter, joy, anger, sobbing, questions, etc. were my job. And we communicated through everything or we just held each other and were quiet some days. But now its different and I am away from her. I don't know how her emotions are, I don't know what she is feeling. And I don't understand His ways. But I leave her in His hands. We put Gavin in Jesus' hands and my flesh tells me daily but now he is gone. But my heart knows Gavin is still in His hands. I know Gavin is where we all want to be. He is home. And we just want to go home too. So we wait. And what I keep coming back to is I don't understand God's ways. But they are His ways and they are higher than my own. So I keep waking up. I keep trying to love and serve. I keep running. I try to keep my eyes opened for His goodness. For He is still God. He is still good. He is still here. He is coming back.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
We made it to Saugus, California. Our new house is wonderful. We had family with us helping us on the long trip. Everything went so well and they helped so much with unpacking and getting our house set up. We have had some plumbing trouble but sometimes things just don't seem so big anymore. We can handle it. I have decided to turn this blog into looking for God's goodness each day and each moment. I feel like God is just pouring out His goodness daily and I need to keep my eyes open for it. I have also been writing our story. Not sure where it is going other than just helping my heart. Lyndlee is busy making art projects all day long. It is so good for her heart. The other day she mailed 25 art pictures to people that she loves dearly. I love how she loves all through her heart. She starts school on Thursday and is ready. I am not. I feel like we have had so many changes this past year and that is just one more. But this one seems to be hitting me really hard. I need to figure out what I am doing when she is at school. And I wasn't supposed to be figuring this out. Gavin would have been home with me. We would have been serving in another country at this time. But this was not the plan God had written. And I have to daily get my heart ready to serve and love through the changes. For He is still good and He is still here. We love Real Life Church and are so excited to be apart of what they are doing here in Santa Clarita. The people are so friendly and wonderful. Lyndlee has just come out of her shell and is so brave here. She even slept in her own bed last night. Brennan is getting to know everyone at the office and remembering all of their names. Already I see God using him here. I am so thankful God brought him here to be apart of this team. I am training for a half marathon in November. Running and looking at God's goodness and beautiful creation is good for my heart and soul. Gavin's heaven day came and passed. We just spent the day together as a family. We felt God's goodness and love all through the day through emails, texts, calls, special things brought to our house, family in Missouri letting balloons go, and peace from the Lord. Thank you for praying and remembering our family. Longing for Home. Blessings and Love.