He Still Is.

It seems as though I just don't have any words these last few days. I feel broken and all used up today. I struggle Sunday nights because I know Monday is right around the corner. And I still get angry at God. I cry out to Him saying He changed these plans, He changed my job and my mommy heart. I beg him to tell me what He wants me to do. Lyndlee is adjusting to school. She is so brave. Most days we leave her crying and it breaks our hearts. But when we pick her up she is smiling and lets us know the things she learned and all the fun she had. She definitely does not get craft time because she comes home and spends hours cutting, drawing and gluing. She makes my heart smile. Yesterday we found out a friend she made at school goes to Real Life Church and we all attend the same service Sunday night so the girls are in class together at church too. Thank you Jesus for this connection. We have been praying for a friend for our sweet girl. She also made some new friends at the SoCal Taiwan Reunion. And the friend she really got close too actually lives in our town as well. We leave her in the palm of His hands every single day as we walk out of the school gate and she is out of our reach and out of our sight. And this is something that I need to figure out and get through emotionally. All last year she was with me all of the time. Every laughter, joy, anger, sobbing, questions, etc. were my job. And we communicated through everything or we just held each other and were quiet some days. But now its different and I am away from her. I don't know how her emotions are, I don't know what she is feeling. And I don't understand His ways. But I leave her in His hands. We put Gavin in Jesus' hands and my flesh tells me daily but now he is gone. But my heart knows Gavin is still in His hands. I know Gavin is where we all want to be. He is home. And we just want to go home too. So we wait. And what I keep coming back to is I don't understand God's ways. But they are His ways and they are higher than my own. So I keep waking up. I keep trying to love and serve. I keep running. I try to keep my eyes opened for His goodness. For He is still God. He is still good. He is still here. He is coming back.