The New Year

I kept telling myself that the new year was just like any other day. It would hurt like the week after Gavin died, the month after, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It would be hard but every day is hard. I can do this.

But it felt different because it starts a new year; the year without my son, something I thought I would never say.

And then begins the series of questions. Oh God, how will we get through this? How will we serve you this broken? How can you mend our broken hearts? Why this way Lord?
And my prayers start, Oh God, please use us still. Help us proclaim Your name always and let us be a light always. Stop my unbelief and overwhelm me with your truths. Thank you for Your whispers of truth into our hearts, whispers that proclaim that Gavin has been given your full reward now; that this should bring about rejoicing not sadness.
We long for the day when we too shall see You face to face.

I never thought there would be a day I am thankful for Bible Bowl like the way I am today. For those of you who don't know what this is, here you go. You memorize chunks of the Bible, study it all year long and memorize some pretty crazy things about the different passages, and then you compete over it with other kids in other states. It would consist of lots of studying time and traveling during the year. My family was big in this, we did Bible Bowl for years.
I loved the traveling part, the time with my friends; however the studying part I did not like. And I fought it. My poor parents and the things I put them through because I did not want to study.

But today I am grateful. Because today my husband and I have quoting time, time to recite Scriptures and God's truths out loud to each other. And I can hear my dad saying "It's Quoting Time" as he did when it was time to study for Bible Bowl.
And I smile and can hear the exact way he would say it, all silly, like a character off "Gone With the Wind."

I didn't enjoy quoting time then, but I enjoy it now. I crave it now.

You see, satan knows my weaknesses. He knows my mind, my sadness and where he can slither in to attack. He knows he can slither in each night about the same time, as he brings back memories of my son dying in my home.

But that is where he wants my mind to stay and stop, to think it ends there in my son's death, that there is nothing more.

But oh how he is wrong, oh how he loves to lie. John 8:44

I recite Scripture to shut the devil up. I memorize and recite Scripture to fill my mind and heart with God's truths and not let satan's lies dwell.

It doesn't end with my son's death.

Listen I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed-in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. 1 Corinthians 15:51

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:57

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2 Corinthians 5:1

Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! Revelation 12:12

satan tempts and piles on fear, man, he is good at that.

But he never wins and will never win. Maybe he will keep trying and won't give up, but he has already lost and has nothing.

Temptations will come but God is faithful. He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3