Our Great God

We serve a Great God who meets us in our needs, who carries our burdens daily, who loves us though we are a broken and flawed people. We serve a Great God who sent His very own Son Jesus to die for us.
He is strong and loving. He is our rock. He is our hope. He is our Savior. He is our Shepherd. He is our Father. He is all knowing. He is the bright Morning Star. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. He is our shield. He is our refuge. He is our fortress. He is forgiving. He is good. He is great. He alone is God. He is forever.

Gavin's passing has been so hard. I did not chose this way, I did not want our life to look like this. I did not want to say goodbye to my baby boy.
But then I think, this Great Wonderful God we serve, knows our grief and is meeting us in our grief. And something I cannot grasp at times, is that He chose to send His own Son to die for us. He chose to sacrifice His own Son so that we could live with Him always. Jesus chose to leave Heaven and His Father. He chose to do the Father's will. He chose to die on the cross for us, the broken and flawed people. He made a way, He closed the gap.

He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him!
1 Thessalonians 4:10

Yesterday was our Gavin's Gotcha Day. I never thought we would be celebrating the day without him here. It was a hard day but had great moments given from our Great God.
My Gavin is with our Great God. He welcomed Gavin home and has provided for him, and He is comforting us in our loss and providing for us here.
And while He is doing all these things for us, He is doing loving things for others all over the world.
And that makes me fall at His feet in awe, in wonder, in love, in worship.
What a Great God we serve!
So I will keep serving Him, loving Him, walking with Him, and trusting Him.

For the Lord is good and His loves endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:5

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7

Ever Praising You

This morning was rough.

Lyndlee and I were both feeling so sad, and we both could feel spiritual warfare.

I was needing to find this important paper of Gavin's, couldn't find it anywhere.

Lyndlee was missing some horses and couldn't find the exact ones she was looking for.

Not that we needed either of these things at that exact moment, but we felt we did.

It was painful. It was ugly. It stunk. It felt like we were loosing.

But then it was beautiful, as we both felt God carrying us and God was right there, right there in those moments.

So we had a good cry together, held each other, encouraged each other, started fixing lunch, and let the praise music play loud in the house, in our hearts and in our minds and in our souls.

I love to do this with my children, to sing with them and to teach them praise songs. And as we were singing; my heart was sad missing singing with my sweet Gavin.

And it was as if God took hold of my hand and said, Oh sweet daughter, don't you get it yet?
He is singing, singing with Me and there is nothing greater or sweeter!

Thankful for His presence, His Scriptures and His love.

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death. Psalm 68:19-20

Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you. Psalm 84:4

And I heard a sound from heaven like the roar of rushing waters and like a loud peal of thunder. The sound I heard was like that of harpists playing their harps. And they sang a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures, and the elders. No one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth. Revelation 14:2-3

The New Year

I kept telling myself that the new year was just like any other day. It would hurt like the week after Gavin died, the month after, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It would be hard but every day is hard. I can do this.

But it felt different because it starts a new year; the year without my son, something I thought I would never say.

And then begins the series of questions. Oh God, how will we get through this? How will we serve you this broken? How can you mend our broken hearts? Why this way Lord?
And my prayers start, Oh God, please use us still. Help us proclaim Your name always and let us be a light always. Stop my unbelief and overwhelm me with your truths. Thank you for Your whispers of truth into our hearts, whispers that proclaim that Gavin has been given your full reward now; that this should bring about rejoicing not sadness.
We long for the day when we too shall see You face to face.

I never thought there would be a day I am thankful for Bible Bowl like the way I am today. For those of you who don't know what this is, here you go. You memorize chunks of the Bible, study it all year long and memorize some pretty crazy things about the different passages, and then you compete over it with other kids in other states. It would consist of lots of studying time and traveling during the year. My family was big in this, we did Bible Bowl for years.
I loved the traveling part, the time with my friends; however the studying part I did not like. And I fought it. My poor parents and the things I put them through because I did not want to study.

But today I am grateful. Because today my husband and I have quoting time, time to recite Scriptures and God's truths out loud to each other. And I can hear my dad saying "It's Quoting Time" as he did when it was time to study for Bible Bowl.
And I smile and can hear the exact way he would say it, all silly, like a character off "Gone With the Wind."

I didn't enjoy quoting time then, but I enjoy it now. I crave it now.

You see, satan knows my weaknesses. He knows my mind, my sadness and where he can slither in to attack. He knows he can slither in each night about the same time, as he brings back memories of my son dying in my home.

But that is where he wants my mind to stay and stop, to think it ends there in my son's death, that there is nothing more.

But oh how he is wrong, oh how he loves to lie. John 8:44

I recite Scripture to shut the devil up. I memorize and recite Scripture to fill my mind and heart with God's truths and not let satan's lies dwell.

It doesn't end with my son's death.

Listen I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed-in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. 1 Corinthians 15:51

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:57

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2 Corinthians 5:1

Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! Revelation 12:12

satan tempts and piles on fear, man, he is good at that.

But he never wins and will never win. Maybe he will keep trying and won't give up, but he has already lost and has nothing.

Temptations will come but God is faithful. He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3