Somewhere along the line you develop a picture of what your family should have looked like.
Reggie Joiner spoke at our church last week and said this phrase along with others that are just stuck in my heart.
Just because the picture didn't turn out, doesn't mean your story is over.
There is a bigger story, a story of restoration and redemption. (Joiner)
These phrases take my breath away.
These phrases I fight daily to try to get a grasp on.
Paul tells us in Philippians that he forgets what is behind and strains toward what is ahead. He presses on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called him heavenward in Christ Jesus. And when I read that my heart fills with deep sorrow and complete joy all at the same time. Forgetting pictures of what should have been, forgetting what is behind and moving forward towards our prize is easier said than done.
I want my son, I want to go back to those pictures and to those times.
Lately I am broken, raw, and depressed. I am an emotional eater so thank goodness I love to run as well. Basically I want a box of cupcakes everyday and I am not ashamed to admit it. I mean look how ridiculous yummy they look.When I am down I realize more than ever I run to food.
Friends, let me tell you from experience it doesn't fix anything and can easily become an idol. Sure it helps my heart for a split second but the pain and agony are still there, also along with the pounds.
But our great God, He meets me even when I run to that stupid cupcake first. He meets me in my messiness and puts the brokenness of my heart and my pictures back together.
And He does it daily.
And He will do the same for you.
We recently bought my sister's van and it already is such a blessing and we are so grateful.
But it was one more thing I had to tackle. To me the car was easy, there wasn't really any more room in there. Honestly that thinking doesn't make sense because Gavin rode in that car.
But with the van I look back and see what should have been.
I see empty seats.
I see the pieces of our broken pictures but I also can see God's redemption and restoration story in the life of our sweet Israel; our second son we never imagined would come into our lives.
Another thing my family tackled was taking family pictures. This sweet new friend wanted to bless us with her talent and captured my family in the most beautiful ways, honoring all three of my children. We are so appreciative.
But taking them was one thing, hanging them up is another.
And it is something I can't seem to do.
I keep looking back at our old pictures and what our life was. But when I do this, I miss out on what God has in store. I miss out on His bigger story.
So I will start praying for those empty seats in our van and whatever God wants to do with them.
I will keep one foot in front of the other racing towards that prize of heaven and maybe one day will be able to hang some beautiful pictures of my family on the wall.
In the words of Reggie Joiner,
It is not about your pictures.
Let them go.
Turn your back on the pictures of your broken pieces.
Turn your life in the direction of the story God wants to tell through your life that is bigger than you ever imagined.