Happy 4th Birthday Gavin Pan Conklin!

I thought all day Saturday what kind of party we would throw.  Would it be centered around a certain animal?  Would it be a bee theme?  You loved pretending to be a bee, finding bees in books, and made buzzy sounds even.  Would it be batman?  Would it be baseball theme and share in the love for the game with your daddy?
I let my mind wonder all day thinking about that, wishing and aching to just have you here and planning your party.
And what would you be doing at age 4?  Still picking on your sister of course?  Jumping and climbing on everything?  What would you be saying?  Some times I will call my good friend to ask what her sweet little boy is saying and doing.  Gavin and her son were buddies in Taiwan and are so much alike.

A lot of guilt entered my heart from satan's schemes.  I never threw you a big party and I am so sorry for that.  I so wished I would have.  But satan can't win in my thoughts so I fought him all day long.  And God kept whispering to my heart all day that no party I would have thrown could surpass all that you are experiencing now.  You have complete joy.  You have fulfilled life.  So take that satan.  You loose once again.

So we spent the day celebrating you Gavin and thinking of what you would like to do.

So we started the morning with balloons from my sister and her family.  Thanks for always thinking of my family sweet sister.

We spent the day being together; laughing, smiling, crying or whatever emotion came our way.

This boy will not and I repeat will not take this bracelet off that my sister sent.  We talk him out of not sleeping with it but the moment he wakes up, he wants it on.  Brennan is not letting him live this one down and keeps teasing him being girly.  But that smile.  Melt my heart.

Gavin's favorite color was green.  So Lyndlee decided we all needed to wear green.  You that know Brennan will laugh out loud at this as you know how much he hates being a family that matches.  But he took one for the team.  And low and behold we walked into the restaurant to eat and the lady said, "Oh wow, you all have green on."  You should have seen Brennan's face.  Priceless.

We had to be silly.  Gavin was silly.  Ornery and crazy and silly all the time.  He taught us to love and to live your life to the fullest.  He taught us to make the most of every day and every moment.

My artsy girl had to get her craft on, so sewing it was.  Those precious little fingers that make so many beautiful things that speak directly to our heart and soul.  Thank you God.

We were just missing you baby boy so we decided to relax at home with some ice cream.  Four candles and singing happy birthday honestly just broke our hearts, oh how we wish we were celebrating together.  Soon and very soon.

Balloons for our birthday boy.  Batman, Cars, baseball, and one that said big brother.

Thank you friends for the prayers.  Thank you for the cards in the mail for our Gavin.  Thank you for remembering.  The loss of your child is hard and never makes sense.  Everyday is a new day full of challenges but also full of blessings.  Birthdays are a time to celebrate life but absolutely there is mourning in our celebrations.

Thank you for the donations to ministries in Gavin's name.  We are so honored and grateful that you have done those things.  What a way to honor Gavin's life by helping and loving others.