Heavy Heart

There is a blog post going around by a dad. I wanted to post it here, and while I agree with most of it (took out some swear words though) I personally don't agree with all of it, I am not for sure if this is the right approach, at least in my own life. So many years this was my approach and it didn't help me to be angry and hold on to these things.

Sure, we parents who have adopted have all experienced the complete non-sense people will say to us about our kids. My husband and I have experienced all of these listed below and many many more. They are endless, they happen all the time, and most likely will continue to happen. When it first started happening, I would get so angry. Don't get me wrong, I still do and struggle with this anger, but more often this anger has turned into sadness. Before it was anger and just feeling sorry for myself. But you see, God has changed my heart and my silly pity parties. Many years I longed to be pregnant, was jealous of others getting pregnant and did not understand why this would happen to me. But God has taken that anger, jealousy, hatred, selfishness and has given me joy, understanding, peace and love! I no longer desire to be pregnant! Yes, I believe pregnancy is such a wonderful gift from the Lord, and I can only imagine feeling your baby grow inside of you is such a miracle. But you see, I know God has different plans for my life and I love it!
So when these things happen, when people say things that are hurtful, it makes me sad knowing my children will have to put up with this one day, that these comments will hurt them. It makes me sad thinking of these people saying it. So I feel these are times to test me, to see how I will react to these people. Will I react in anger or in love? Will I teach my children that God loves everyone, even people that say hurtful things to us? Will I show kindness instead of being rude right back?
I have failed so many times at these experiences, I am so thankful to God for giving me chance after chance. My prayer is always oh God, keep changing me and helping me along this journey.
I love talking about adoption, I love talking about my kids and their stories about how God brought them into our lives! They are amazing stories, all the glory to God, and I love sharing them. My beautiful Lyndlee Jya-Ying and my sweet Gavin Pan are not plan B, they are not what we settled for just because I couldn't bear children. They are my children, the children the Lord chose for me, the children God blessed me with.
Thank you Jesus for my children and help me always show love to others.

God is love. Those who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 1 John 4:15



Dan Pearce, Single Adoptive Dad Laughing
Never, ever, ever, ask how much a child costs. This includes the phrase, "how much did you pay for him?" First of all, it's none of your business. Second of all, if you're interested in adoption, research it through the appropriate channels. Speak with an adoption agency. Adoptive parents don't purchase children. They simply pay legal fees and agency fees. Just like biological parents pay hospital and doctor bills. Don't turn the child into nothing more than a commodity.
Never ask if a celebrity inspired the adoption. Believe it or not, Tom Cruise, Connie Chung, and Angelina Jolie did not convince me one way or the other in the biggest decision of my life. Are you serious?
Never ask "where is his real dad?" Forget the fact that it will hurt my feelings. How do you think it will affect my son's feelings to feel like I'm not a real dad to him? Adoptive parents are real parents. The term you're looking for is "birth mother" or "birth father".
Don't say things like, "as soon as you adopt you're going to get pregnant" when you find out somebody is adopting. First of all, there are usually many, many years of pain and financial burden strapped to infertility, treatments, and heartache. Do you really think that what you're saying will help them? Secondly, while it is funny when it happens, it's rare.
Never say, "why did she give him away?" Do I really need to explain why this one would hurt a child? The proper term is "placed". A birth mother and birth father place their child for adoption. And again, it's personal and none of your business, so don't ask if you aren't my BFF.
Don't say, "it's like he's your real son". This is similar to number three, but worthy of mentioning. He is my real son.
Don't say, "do you love him as if he was your own?" Ummm... probably more than you love your little terror, that's for sure. And again... he is my own.
Never say things like, "you're so wonderful to adopt a child". I am a parent. Just like anybody else with kids.
Don't start spewing your horrible adoption stories. "This one time, my friend's sister's aunt's dog's previous owner's niece adopted a baby and the real dad came back and they took the baby away after they had him for two years." First of all, it probably isn't true. Second of all, how would you feel if I told you about all the ways you could lose your child. Adoption is permanent. And in the extremely rare circumstances that something like that happens, it's not something you should spread because the hurt that exists for all the parties involved must be immeasurable.
Don't say things like, "is it hard for him to be adopted?" Well, it wasn't, until you asked me that right in front of him you freaking idiot.
I don't want to hear about your second cousin who was on a waiting list for twelve years and never got a baby. Granted, this one was much more annoying when we were going through the adoption process. Nobody wants to know that some people never get chosen. Show some kindness. Even to ugly people.